Fast Forward to 2020

Personal pros of this situation (qUaRaNt!nE):

I am forced to look at my feelings. I have admitted to myself, and to others, that I am struggling. I am facing the fact that I cannot control many things. What can I control? My choice to love myself, and to accept what I am experiencing. I am experiencing mental illness. I am experiencing loneliness. I am experiencing darkness. I am experiencing emotional eating patterns. I am experiencing isolation.

I am also experiencing gratitude. I am experiencing growth. I am experiencing self-reflection and connection to source. I don’t want it to feel this hard. But it is. It is hard.

I am writing. I am reading. I am looking to others for validation. I am validating myself. I am reaching out. I am not reaching out. I am listening. I am avoiding. I am attached. I am detached. I am at peace. I am in chaos. It is a mix of emotions, and it changes every moment.

All I can do is be here now. I am learning to become more aware of what I am feeling to allow myself to be uncomfortable. I am aware of uncertainty. And I am gradually, despite my ego’s best efforts, choosing love over fear. The fear is still there. I am not disregarding it. But what can I do about it? Shudder, hide, wallow, and run away? Yes, that’s what I did at first.

Today, I choose to face it. To overcome it. I am alone but I am not lonely. I am tired but I am not lazy. I am vulnerable but I am not weak. I am in a crisis, and that is perfectly ok. Because I am being honest.